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You have judged her. Therefore I do not see how your friendship with Anna could be rekindled - even if her husband were to relent.

An old Latin saying is: 'Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis. Friendships change - and sometimes you have to leave someone behind in order to grow and develop yourself.

When a dear old friend disappoints you and I've had this experience , you never quite love them in the same way afterwards.

You might still count them as a friend - but not in the same way. In your case, since Anna lives a long way away and has behaved in a way you all find inexcusable, I think you should accept that the relationship has waned.

From time to time you may recall a happy time you shared when young, and hope all is well with her and her family. But beyond that?

I would step back. I'm with a partner whom I love very much. After a series of disastrous relationships, including an abusive marriage, I thought I would never find someone kind and caring.

So imagine how devastated I was when he totally ignored my birthday. He asked me a few weeks ago what I wanted and I told him: a pair of aquamarine earrings.

He even asked me for ideas on style and I drew him a sketch and even directed him to some websites for ideas of styles because he admitted he did not want to get the wrong thing.

But my birthday came and went without a gift, card or acknowledgement. He even told me the evening before that he was going in to work for a conference, even though he had made a big thing about taking the day off and spending time with me.

Even more upsetting is that on the day itself, he was constantly fretting about a present for his daughter's upcoming birthday in September.

He asked if a Mulberry handbag would be enough for her and would I help him pick out a few additional 'surprises' to go inside it. Apart from that, everything is as normal, with him telling me many times each day how much he loves me.

However, I feel so hurt and don't even want him to be affectionate towards me and have no desire to be affectionate to him.

I don't even want to raise the subject with him because I know it will lead to an argument as I still feel so hurt and angry. This is hard to believe, since your birthday had been discussed and so surely there can be nothing accidental about his ignoring of the day.

I'm wondering if some male readers might suggest that perhaps he thought your keenness on the earrings to the extent of a sketch was off-putting, controlling, even 'grabby'.

So because of those negative thoughts, his subconscious instructed him to 'forget' your birthday, as a means of showing disapproval of your covetousness.

But I'll show my colours here and say I am completely on your side. What, not even a card? You are neither selfish nor unreasonable.

In my experience, men don't always realise how much birthdays and anniversaries mean to women. I like a fuss to be made of me, just as you do, and that's no crime.

Most men appreciate a small steer - preferably away from the scarlet bra-and-suspender-belt set. For heaven's sake, guys, get it right!

Yes, you can tell us you love us until you're blue in the face, but a well-chosen gift or a bunch of flowers is a necessity. Gestures matter. But so does communication - which is why you simply have to tell him how very sad you have been feeling.

Ignore the issue of the handbag for his daughter though that would irritate the hell out of me, too because he will just become defensive.

Being cold and sulky with this man you love is no way forward, but sitting down quietly and asking him why he chose to ignore your birthday and thus wound you is the only way to work through this setback.

Recently, I've been watching more TV than usual - something to do with having building work going on and needing to unwind rather than rise to the challenge of my beloved books.

First, the Great British Home Movie Roadshow, which celebrates hitherto unseen cine footage documenting ordinary lives - as well as others not so ordinary.

The images of a young, sweet Princess Diana were touching, but equally so, for me, was one man's year-long devotion to filming what goes on in Chingford, east London.

I remembered that somewhere in a drawer lies a cine film of me and cousin Gina in Calderstones Park, Liverpool, all primped in Fifties bouffant hair and skirts.

And what about the ones of my first husband and me holidaying in Italy after university finals in ? Ah yes, memories You know the time can't come again, but you can look at it benevolently and realise how lovely it was - at least while the cine camera was whirring.

In the first episode, the couple were searching for an electrical guarantee and had to look in the Big Drawer, full of those bits and pieces we all accumulate - old, unwatched cine films, for example.

It was quiet, slow, uneventful, funny, touching and true. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

Argos AO. Should I tell my friend's husband she's having an affair? More from Bel Mooney for the Daily Mail Share or comment on this article: Should I tell my friend's husband she's having an affair?

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Is this the world's fittest gran? Bodybuilder, 76, who does 1, torso twists per day and works out four The second thing to do is confirm what you suspect: your wife is definitely having an emotional affair.

We get to be friends with whoever we want, and talk to them whenever we want, however we want, right? Not quite. At least, not if you care about maintaining a lifelong relationship!

I made sure my wife knew every time I was emailing her, and I offered to let her read our emails back and forth if she wanted. And this is all without either one of us EVER having had an affair!

Just the opposite! The fact that we keep everything transparent and above-board allows us to trust each other even more! Surprise, surprise, this excerpt just so happens to be taken from the part of the course that discusses emotional affairs.

Just the opposite — the fact that we keep everything transparent and above-board allows us to trust each other even more! I had close platonic female friends before I was married.

You probably did too. Heck, my wife and I were close friends for years before we started dating. Generally, that means:.

Okay, getting back to your question…That whole explanation was a really long way of saying, your wife IS having an emotional affair and her friendship has strayed too far.

The sad truth is that a marriage cannot be fixed as long as one spouse is stuck in an affair. No change that you or your wife makes during an affair will be able to have a positive, lasting effect on the relationship as long as her heart belongs to another man.

The only thing you can do — focus on what you can control. Right now, your goal is to make yourself into the best husband, father and leader that you can possibly be.

The only reason she strayed in the first place is because she no longer felt that she could find that happiness in the marriage. So, she took matters into her own hands, and when this other man came along, she saw an opportunity to be happy and she took it.

You should move on, prepare yourself for the worse; take the direction of your life and the growth of yourself as a man into your own hands.

There are no guarantees, but this puts you in as much of a win-win position as you can get into right now.

By focusing on yourself and mentally preparing yourself to move on and be happy without your wife, you simultaneously prepare yourself for the worst AND optimize your chances of getting the best, ie.

This piece of advice comes from a guy named Kurt whose wife had an affair. At one point, she was just as dead-set on divorce as your wife is now.

Over the course of a year, he managed to turn things around. When I asked him if he had any advice for other men in a similar situation, this is what he said:.

Women typically only follow this course for one reason: neglect. They also find it very difficult to love more than one man, so you have to earn her affections back from someone else.

As men, we are fortunate that if we can use your philosophy, our wives will never feel neglected and therefore never stray. Or, if we have cocked it up already, we can use your tactics to change the trajectory of our marriage and win her heart back completely.

This is not true for women whose husbands stray. The unfaithful husband will most likely love the other woman all of his life.

All that to say, men should never worry about whether or not she is on-board. We can change our marriages with or without her initial buy-in, and once she comes back, she'll be back for good as long as you don't let that neglect creep in again.

This ended up being a long one. Let go of control over your wife, and start genuinely preparing for a life without her. Your marriage cannot heal while she remains in the emotional affair, and you cannot force her to break out of it, so stop trying.

Force yourself to grow into the man you know you are meant to be. Get to a point where you can be happy with yourself regardless of what happens in your marriage.